His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
