We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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