Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
