It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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