did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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