I got chris browned last night
I think I died a long time ago.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
