We're like a lot better than the average bears
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
