it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
