if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
