Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I will pee on everything he values.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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