Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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