WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
