I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
