Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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