Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
