I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize