Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fill condoms, not promises.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
