If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
