So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
