she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize