Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize