By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
