This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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