Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
