Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
