I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
