so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
