singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so let's talk penis.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
