I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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