On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize