the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
