dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
