He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
