If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
