I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
