apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
