dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
