My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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