I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
