turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
