Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
