Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
