Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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