she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
