HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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