i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So many bounce houses so little time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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