I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
