I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
