it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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