I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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