My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed