Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?