She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
