capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
