Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
