I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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