sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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