i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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