Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
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non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far