The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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