Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
