maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize