My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
