this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
