Got a toothbrush?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
