sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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