with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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