Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
kristin has been a bad kristin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
