Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
