I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
